OPPORTUNITY

A priest was  driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her  a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to  open and reveal a
lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said,  "Father remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologised profusely. He  forced himself to remove his hand. However,he was unable to remove his eyes from  her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember  psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a  meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest  rushed to retrieve the bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well  informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity.

WHO'S THE BOSS?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The Feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The Hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the Heart, the Lungs and the Eyes until finally the Asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being the Boss.

So the Asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the Eyes became crossed, the Hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the Heart and Lungs began to panic and the Brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that Asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

BOSS FIRST PLEASE

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "! I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch" "Always allow the bosses to speak first" eddy chai

PROBLEMS, PUT THEM DOWN.

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students, ' How much do you think this glass weighs?' '50gms!' , '100gms!' , '125gms' The students answered. 'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor, 'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes? ''Nothing' the students said. 'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked. 'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students. 'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?' 'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!' ventured another student & all the students laughed. 'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked the professor. 'No' 'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?' The students were puzzled. 'What should I do to remedy this'? asked the professor again. 'Put the glass down!' said one of the students. 'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.' 'It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but even more important to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!' Confront your problems. Evading them will be bad for your heart. Eddy Chai